I’ve always squirmed at the thought of declaring myself completely done with certain things in my life. My old thought patterns and the less in-tune version of myself was a stage-five clinger to feelings of shame, guilt, and fear. The phrase “easier said than done” had truth behind it. I was saying it far too often. In conversations, I found it much easier to say I’m done when speaking indirectly, but declaring it out loud to the individuals directly affected was no small feat.
We are a culture led by fear and too often make excuses as a way to dig ourselves out of the more uncomfortable situations and conversations; those moments where we quiet our honest and out-loud truths of being done. Declarations of done, as we’ll call them.
Let me explain.
Declaration of done says: I’m done with this relationship because I am not being loved, respected, and supported to my full potential.
Fear says: I think I’m done with this relationship, but what if I never find anybody else?
Declaration of done says: I’m done with this job that drains my energy and is no longer of service to me.
Fear says: I think I’m done with this job, but it pays so well and people will think I’m crazy for leaving a full-time, salaried job.
Declaration of done says: I’m not sorry, because I didn’t do anything wrong.
Fear says: Sorry. I’m so sorry.
Fear sounds familiar and resonates more loudly, doesn’t it? You’ve likely heard similar statements many times before, either from yourself or from someone else. It’s easy to get tangled up in fear, tip-toeing right over the deeply rooted truths that we’re afraid to acknowledge, bring to the surface and declare out-loud. It leaves us in an uncomfortable situation of being halfway-in (fear) and halfway-out (done). Fear has almost always won.
I’m very familiar with this dance of being halfway done. Ending relationships and then quickly trying to jump back in because of the guilt I felt for ending it in the first place, as though I owed them something to make up for my “mistake.” Leaving corporate jobs to dedicate more time to my personal passions, only to jump back in for the stability.
Those old patterns and habitual emotions of fear, shame and guilt were beginning to take a toll on my health. The imbalances were the nudges and signs of needing to let go – to be done. They became louder, waking me up to a more truthful way of living so that I could begin to clear the blocks along my path that were holding me back.
I became so tired of hearing myself make excuses to cover up the truth. Patterns in jobs and relationships continued to show up because there were lessons that I needed to learn and emotions that I needed to detach from in order to find clarity. Once I understood that, those experiences became information to inform deeper, more intuitive ways of thinking
The relationships were done because I didn’t have the respect and support that I needed and deserved.
The jobs were done because they no longer served me and my commitment to a greater purpose.
By acknowledging our excuses, patterns, and the emotions attached to them, it becomes much easier to see where the cord cutting needs to happen. Each and every one of us is capable of doing so; letting go and leaving things behind that aren’t benefiting our greater good.
Start by doing with the small things. Over time, they will amount themselves and provide you with the confidence to make those very firm, very out-loud declarations. It’s then that you will begin to notice the transformational shifts happening around you, because you’re allowing them to.
Declare yourself done.
With the excuses, to yourself and to others. You have permission to be picky with your time and what you choose to do or not to do.
With saying yes to every opportunity that comes your way. Politely decline opportunities that are not aligned with your path. It’s okay to say no.
With using the word perfect. Instead, appreciate the imperfections and seek out the authentic, raw moments.
With doing things in excess. Alcohol, eating, exercising. Let a little bit be just enough. If you listen, your body will tell you exactly what you need, or don’t need.
With the band-aid approaches, even if society leads you to believe that they are the easy and quick way to better health and wellbeing. Band-aids mask the more deeply rooted issues that deserve your attention.
With quieting your voice. Your voice is a very powerful tool and is meant to be heard. A catalyst for building awareness & creating change.
With thinking that your sensitivity is your weakness. It’s not. It makes you who you are.
With saying sorry. Unless you really, truly mean it.
Declare and commit every single day, until your words become actions. Repeat them out loud and continue to evolve your own list as you go. Make time for self-care rituals that allow space for you to freely process your truths and take mental health days so that you can reconnect with yourself.
Easier said than done? Let that just be something of the past. You have all the tools you need within yourself to let go and declare yourself done, starting now.
Contributor, SERENE Social
Allison is a yoga instructor, holistic health practitioner and creator of & be well, a platform dedicated to those looking for a conscious approach to living well. She believes women have the power to heal themselves from within through holistic lifestyle practices that nourish the mind, body and spirit. Follow her journey and join the conversation: @allisonrwalton.